Sunny Sunday

[tamaravining]

Today I stayed in most of the day, though it looked sunny out there. I got a lot done - dishes, cleaning, laundry. I even made oatmeal cookies, which was when I got out, because I needed brown sugar and baking soda.

They're hiring at Safeway. Temp help because it looks like they're gearing up for a general strike they way there was in California. I'll have to boycott them now, as they don't want to give their employees health benefits. Too bad, because they're only a block and a half away.

I got some writing done, and read up on building your own cat tree and book case(s). Didn't get my resume updated, or web page updated; nor can I cross off the two main 'other' writing things on my list. But I got a lot done.

I also didn't quit LJ, though I almost have lately. It is bothering me too much, the no response thing. I did set up a closed community, though, and may just use LJ for the working toward goals things. And maybe figure out how not to care so much about feed back.

Comments

[sculpin.livejournal.com]

They're hiring at Safeway. Temp help...

Oh, crud. I noticed that they're hiring at QFC as well, and said to Josh today, "I guess we'll be shopping at Safeway now." Well, maybe I'll be buying more groceries through Pioneer Organics.

Several years ago I worked at Safeway as a bagger, and the job was beyond crappy; I won't be crossing the picket line if I can help it.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

I'm going to try and shop more at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, and when the summer market starts, get all my vegetables and fruits there.

I would in no way do well in a low paying, but you have to be nice to the public kind of job.

[maureenkspeller.livejournal.com]

It is bothering me too much, the no response thing.

It seems to be a distinct phase in the LJ experience, I've noticed. I have no idea why this is, but a year or so back I found myself in precisely this position and nearly quit.

Every now and then I have to remind myself too that being on LJ is theoretically not just about writing my journal, but is also about interacting with others' journals. It's remarkably easy to let that slipi and I have no idea why, other than that I am not sufficiently disciplined in my writing and response.

I'm glad, though, that you haven't quit. I would miss your posts.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

See, that's what was bothering me though. I've commented 3 times more than I get responses from others. I think I'm just going through a phase, and it's more about getting a full time job, and how safe and secure do I really feel everywhere else at the moment. I'm about to start The Artist's Way 12 week thing with 2 or 3 other people, and I think my attitude and expectations may change dramatically after that. I'll also probably post more real stuff, or switch over to trying out some writing in here, and just do it, without expectations.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Have you done The Artist's Way with others before? I've tried it on my own several times, and petered out about week five, each time. (I always stop before the week when you're not supposed to read, I realize, no matter how strongly I've kept up with the morning pages and such.)

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

I did it twice before - in '98 and started it again in 2001. In '98 I went all the way through with 3 other people, where we met every Sunday and I did about half the exercises, and kept up the morning pages well past the 12 weeks. By the fourth week I had quit my outreach job and went back to school where I got my film degree, and it truly gave me the incentive to create and believe in myself and get things done. 2001 was the year everything fell apart, and I feel I went back to square one. But, I know I could go through it again, and do the other half of the exercises (there really isn't time to do them all the first time through) and it would help me focus and figure some other things out. So, hopefully, this will work out and I'll be working on it starting in May. It already got me writing 3 pages every morning, and I'm calmer because of it.

Comments etc.

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

My stats:
Journal entries: 674
Comments: Posted: 4,102 - Received: 3,412

so I'm pretty close, but I'm still commenting more than I'm getting comments.

Think of a newspaper. Maybe it has a 1,000,000 circulation ... how many letters a day do you think it gets? Not the same I know, but something to keep in mind for the moment ...

... some people write things that require a response (e.g. polls). Some people get lots of comments by asking no one to start 150 post replies about cheese.

While fun, the cheese thing shows that the quantity of responses has nothing to do with quality ... if you get more responses, then Sturgeon's "law" doesn't actually mean you get more good responses!

I have some friends that post *A LOT* and after a while I stop replying to them, because there's nothing new for me to say ... and sometimes it's because they aren't saying anything new either. And sometimes I even stop reading most of their posts if it looks to be another of the same kind of thing (e.g. gym statistics, which I'll read from time to time and be depressed, but usually I'll acknowledge mentally that it is there and then skip past).

A lot of my entries don't get *any* response, sometimes including ones that I really want some feedback on ... other postings will get a lot of comments (and replies to replies to replies to comments!) and it is just pretty much random.

It's a lot like art ... you can evoke emotion or try to provoke response, but in the end it is what the viewer wants to respond to, not what you want ... I'm sorry about that.

Give, without expecting response. Share and don't require anything of your audience. Pontificate without expecting conversion. Explore without expecting travelling companions. Write for *yourself* first, then for others, then for money!

Or don't. It's your choice.

It *can* (and indeed *does*) feel very lonely when you send your words out into the darkness and there's no response. But that doesn't mean people don't care, sometimes it is just a time for people to receive and not reply. Other times people have their own problems and have no energy to share ... but we are out here listening, and glad that you're there sharing, and we'd miss you.

[redbird]

I always post more comments than I get; this doesn't seem weird to me, partly because I'm doing a lot of straightforward "today's exercise numbers"-type posts, and partly because I spent a lot of years in apas where I mostly wrote mailing comments.

I'm the one who pulls out the reference books to reply to an LJ acquaintance who says there's no plural of "eschaton"--though ladysisyphus replied to that comment--and explains pet microchipping when someone asks in a community.

[maureenkspeller.livejournal.com]

Now I fret for entirely the other reason:

Comments: Posted: 4,497 - Received: 7,643

Even factoring out the five-hundred odd that the 'But I'm not an American' post generated, I feel like I'm taking far more from LJ in terms of interaction than I'm giving to it. Ergo, says snidey voice in my head, this is why your posts don't get more responses ... which is clearly rubbish when I lay the stats out in front of myself, because I'm still getting the comments. Well, silly MKS. But even so ...

I am coming to the conclusion that in some strange way LJ has its electronic finger on one's pulse, so to speak, and tends to magnify one's insecurities in other arenas. At least, that's how it seems to me this week. All I have to do now is to figure out what my insecurities really are.

[scottscidmore.livejournal.com]

I thought a cat tree was whatever tree the cat just climbed up, and usually now expects you to get the cat down from.

I wonder if the no response thing is in part a 'time of year' thing. Good weather, depressing news, all sorts of special activities, and so on; people may be low on time. People skim through friends lists, if a entry isn't asking for replies or really exceptional in the reader's eyes, they just go on to the next one.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

I started gathering materials to build a cat tree when Mr. Buddy and I lived in the basement apartment for 5 years, and he had to climb the little furniture ladder I built him to sit and look out the window. So I have 4 x 4s and round things and wood and carpeting. Now to bolt it all together and set it up in the corner of the living room. It may only be 5 feet tall though, unless I can find a longer 4X4.

[whumpdotcom.livejournal.com]

Safeway and Albertson's are in fear of WalMart, who pay their employees and suppliers a pittance, but are popular with people because of the low prices.

The grocers want concessions to compete with WalMart, but that won't work. WalMart has been engineered to cut every penny it can throughout its organization. Shifting health care costs onto the workers won't save the firms. They'd have to completely redesign their business processes to compete on WalMart's terms.

The grocers will have to compete on something other than price. There are many opportunities to do that.

Meanwhile, http://www.tompaine.com/feature2.cfm/ID/10226, Costco, does well by its employees and when I was there today, was pretty busy.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

Yes, Costco is good. When I'm working full time again, I'll get a yearly membership (last time I looked it was $35). Though it helps if you live with more storage than a one bedroom apartment to shop there.

[whumpdotcom.livejournal.com]

Cyn added me to her membership so it's cost effective for me to stop in monthly and get a flat of water, a big box of Cliff bars, chocolate soy milk, and Hansen's sodas.

She gets a rebate on what I spend, so it goes towards reimbursing her for her membership.

[euterpe35.livejournal.com]

I go through phases where I post things that are incredibly important to me, and get 1 or 2 or 0 posts in reply. It used to cheese me off, now I take it in stride. Because, there are times when I don't have the energy to reply, and I've come to understand there are times when my friends don't have that energy, either.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

I'm stepping back a little mentally, but better than pulling out completely. It's weird sometimes, seeing how I react, when I know in my head all the things that you said.

I'm in the same place...

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

I pour my heart and soul into a posting, I can spend hours on it. I think, "someone, somewhere, will find this interesting and say something," but all I get is the chirping of crickets and tumbleweeds rolling by. It just kills me. I don't know why it matters so much. It's hard for me to take it in stride, and not feel like it's some form of rejection.
I'm working on it, though...

Re: I'm in the same place...

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

Yes! I read you when I am on - but I took some weeks out because I was going through hard times, and it just made it worse here. But I really think it's like a reaction to what is happening in the real world, because it's like a mini-version of what's going on in real life communities, too. I'm just shakey off and on, and have been since the 18 months unemployment starting in 2001 (I'm only working 1/2 time right now). And other people, for instance in the women's community in Seattle, are not just unemployed, but losing their small businesses and houses. So, it's the stress of living, then thinking, Oh, LJ will understand, but maybe I'm putting too many expectations on it.

I'm going to just try to remember that I'm grateful for a way to keep up with people who I wouldn't see for years at cons around the country otherwise. And I'll try to remember to comment, too.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Making a constructive suggestion here is potentially dangerous, 'cause you might read it as a criticism of you, which would make me unhappy.

That being said, take a look at elisem's journal, and how she ends every entry with a question. In my head, there are a lot of people, and you are one of them, who put themselves forward as very self-contained, clear about what they want to say, and not looking for a lot of feedback. When people write in that style, I think, they get comments only when they put in specific hooks.

I know I always read your journal with interest, and am delighted to know how you are doing, good, bad, or otherwise. As holyoutlaw said, we need a "Read and Enjoyed But No Comment" button, or something like it. I hope you can take this in good part. I'll certainly remember that both you and juliebata feel the need for feedback, and I hope others do as well.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

You know, from you I would prabably accept any amount of criticism, respecting your opinion and have never heard you put down something or someone in a mean manner. This didn't seem critical to me, but supportive. Thanks.

That's funny you read me as self contained because I feel I am just learning that at this stage in my life. I thought I should be self contained, self sufficient, independent and all, but it seems to have just left me alone, but with friends. It's something else I've been rethinking for awhile now.

[baldanders.livejournal.com]

Hey Tami.

I'm one of those silent readers, on the whole. Livejournal for me is a place to say things I need to say (or need to keep track of), and to follow the lives and musings of people I'm interested in. But I rarely comment unless I have at least a paragraph of thought to express. I worry more about being trivial than being silent, I guess.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that I follow your journal avidly, and would miss you if you left.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think I must be in a kind of needy place right now. Actually all this response here could make me good for, oh, a month or two at least :) At least I know people are out there. I was doubting it for awhile. I would miss the re-connection to people like you, too, which is maybe most of the reason I'm on LJ in the first place.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

When I first produced fanzines I didn't bother to have a letter column. I cared more for how many zines I was mailing, i.e., how many people would read me than for providing community-building space.

When I started my journal Aries Moon I was deeply concerned about building my hit count. My well-being depended on "lots" of people read my posts. I tried having my own forum, but it never took off because I didn't nurture it. Eventually I took it down.

What makes me feel validated as a writer is knowing people are reading me. I need an audience. Knowing they're there is good enough for me. If I also get a personal response to something I wrote like a comment at LJ or an e-mail, well, that's an extra treat and I enjoy it very much...but it doesn't bother me if I don't get it.

You, on the other hand, try to build community in almost everything you do. You have a great deal invested in feedback. I will do my best to remember this, because your insights and comments are always worth reading and I would hate for you to disappear inside that closed community where I cannot read your writing. But if I can't provide enough of what you need, if you feel you have to go, know that I valued everything you had to say here and I'm sorry if I failed you.

Nice icon.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

You know me so well. I think we were sisters separated at birth sometimes.

I remember in Jr. High I started to quit things if I couldn't be the best. I kept excelling at music, and writing I could keep to myself, but since I had spent most of my life competing with my brothers and sisters up to that point, I started to be afraid if I didn't win. I think I've spent most of my life not being sure if I was the best or not, and somehow needing to keep competing like that. It was either all or nothing, no half way. It's that I've been learning to let go of lately, and why I'm probably at the monastery, learning, among other things, patience, with myself and others. Hah.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I wish I could remember where I got the icon. I thought it was the classical_icons interest group but I don't see it there any more. I should hunt around again. I don't know how to "credit" the icons I use if I didn't make them myself. This is the only one I borrowed, and I left my thanks with the maker at the time I took it.

Funny, I started to quit things as soon as I got so good other people were taking notice. A lifelong habit of being afraid to let anyone know I care passionately about something in case they belittle my attempts at it or expect me to "do" something with it. I regret this more than anything else; I would give much to not have struggled with fear of success.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you didn't quit LJ either.

My "comments posted" number was twice as big as the "comments received" number for most of the time I've been here.

Lately I've been realizing that the heavier my expectations, the heavier my disappointment, no matter what happens. The lighter my expectations, the more everything is a gift, to be cherished happily.

If the grocery workers go on strike here, I'll stop shopping at QFC. And we'll take you to Costco, at least once.

[tamiam.livejournal.com]

Yay, Costco! Do they always have those 'Here, try this hot snack' day every day?

I won't quit, just going through changes. I still like the connected feeling I get reading about friends in Australia and England. It's worth it for that to stay on. Plus with you in school, it may be like being 1,000 miles away. We'll only communicate at 12:25 a.m., and I'll tell you about my walks around Greenlake, and you'll tell me about school.

[bedii.livejournal.com]

I have to echo the earlier comment: I haven't said anything about your posts because your stuff hasn't seemed to need any input from me. It's clear, well-written, and gives me a good idea of what you think as far as "Where I am today" in your life.

I've got to work on posting more in my LJ, as I can't seem to figure out what gets a response from readers: I write what I think is a mildly amusing review of this or that and get few comments, which makes me disinclined to go to the effort again in an ugly downward spiral. (I feel like that old SNL skit where Buck Henry plays a radio call-in shock jock who can't get a response and ends up screaming "Killing Puppies: I'm For It!" and "Adolph Hitler: Do We Need Him Now!" into the mike in an attempt to get somebody to call in.) Ah, well--I'm doing some web work for Edd today, and will try to do something for my LJ after that.