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For the Sin of Not Believing


For the sin of not believing
I could die a lonely person
but my guides will not allow that
at this time.

I've spent a lifetime wondering
where trust went, and my strength
went to sustaining all my hope
against darkness and my death.

For there is sin in not believing
in the trust of those who love you -
it will betray a sense of justice,
and has lead me to despair.

Now I recognize and fight it
not repress or yes believe it
it is showing me that knowing
my truth was always there.

Love, not hate
trust, not betrayal
then my joy eclipses sadness

strong, not weak
and sound, not silence
peace will fill the emptiness

with dreams.

For the sin of not believing
I have re-learned this lesson
and I did it over and over
till I got it through my head.

There is healing in just being,
my true friends never left me.
When I thought the music barren,
it sang a quiet song.

Epiphanies helped save me
more, I learned to save myself
now I look at All That Is
and there is beauty everywhere.

Date: 2006-02-20 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athenais.livejournal.com
What a powerful poem, so moving. Thank you for posting this. I have to think about it and come back and read it again.

Date: 2006-02-20 10:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
Thanks. It's really a song, which I haven't gotten around to jamming on yet.

Date: 2006-02-20 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bibliofile.livejournal.com
Lovely. I can't help but think that "I've been writing some" can only be a good thing, then.

Date: 2006-02-20 10:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
Thank you. Yes. I've been organizing a lot, which is getting ready to write, and have a lot of projects that I know the structure of, now, and that gives room for pieces to come out, some closed to finished like this. Actually, I was looking to organize my longer stories and scripts, but everything seems to be wanting to come out.

Date: 2006-02-20 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-patience.livejournal.com
Very thought-provoking. Thanks for posting it. More?

Date: 2006-02-20 10:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
Thanks. OK, then.

Date: 2006-02-20 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cynthia1960.livejournal.com
Please, I'd like some more! See you next weekend?

Date: 2006-02-20 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
I certainly hope so. I hope I'm over this cold by then. Should be if I sleep straight through. :)

I have been writing my way out of whatever's been going on for the last 3 or 4 years. I didn't really know that until I got done with this poem at 2:30 a.m. last night. Or this morning. Now to record it.

Date: 2006-02-21 03:20 am (UTC)
ext_39302: Painting of Flaming June by Frederick Lord Leighton (Heart cookies)
From: [identity profile] intelligentrix.livejournal.com
Yes, it is a song. I could almost hear the music as I read it. Now I want to hear it aloud from you. Maybe by the time I get back there?

Date: 2006-02-21 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
And when would that be? I hope it is soon. I would do a reading for you. I have to do it to myself anyway, to find the melody to write the music part of the song. It's a lot in the rhythm of this one.

Date: 2006-02-21 04:24 pm (UTC)
ext_39302: Painting of Flaming June by Frederick Lord Leighton (Default)
From: [identity profile] intelligentrix.livejournal.com
We'll be there for Luke and Julie's wedding on the 1st of April. We're coming in the friday before (I think) and leaving the monday after.

Date: 2006-02-21 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] euterpe35.livejournal.com
That's really beautiful. :) I cried, in a good way.

Date: 2006-02-22 08:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamiam.livejournal.com
Thank you. Hm. Didn't mean to make anybody cry. :)

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